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Barry Crimmins

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Henry Laundering Thursday, September 25, 2008

Henry Laundering

Hank Paulson

Here's the straight poop on the hostile takeover of the government that's currently prancing around Washington in drag as a bailout of Wall St. This scheme is an advance transfer of power so that the same fuckheads who have raped and pillaged the United States and the world for the past seven and a half years remain in control after George W. Bush no longer serves as the official frontman for their confidence game. Got it?

Bush and his Wall St cronies have taken the American people hostage. If we don't cough up the first $700 billion installment of a gargantuan ransom demand, they'll show us that they mean, and are, business, by beginning to knock us off one family, one industry, one town, at a time. Whoops, they've already been doing that --- but now that it serves them, they'll publicize these atrocities.

Paulson, Bush and the rest of them should be rounded up and thrown into the growing prison sector for extortion because using threats to coerce money from people is extortion and extortion is a felonious act. This incredible cash grab is the coup de grace of a coup d'etat that will move the USA once and for all into Mussolini-style corporate/government fascism. Once they ram this thing down our throats, every American taxpayer will soon have a new job, treading treacherous fiscal water for a bunch of economic dam-blowers.

Bush came into our national media room last night with his shopworn faux folksy act to rechristen Henry Paulson as "Hank." The nicknaming was meant to humanize a cold-blooded reptile so that we'd trust it with not just the keys to the kingdom but the entire kingdom. So he laundered Henry the Hustler and shrunk him into Hank the Hero. If the squalid scam works, and it will, the American nation will become Paulson's Plantation.
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Having humanized the money-grubbing automaton, Bush proceeded with the threats by telling us that we'll have no access to dough unless we first give it to Mr. Hanky for processing. Yesterday, via Congress, our nation's alleged deliberative body, Paulson told us that there's no time for luxuries like thinking before we take off our pants and present them as a tribute to our new uber finance minister. We were informed that there's no telling how terrible things will get unless we sign the biggest deal ever without so much as reading the LARGE PRINT.

The audacity of this is even more massive than the attempted robbery itself. Again and again we have heard moneyed moralists chastise people who signed toxic housing loans because they were desperate to get some shelter. These saps didn't read the fine print about how their loans could suddenly require monthly payments larger than their meager paychecks. Well at least the now-dispossessed got to live like the lucky folks for a few years but such contextual compassion is considered sentimental tripe in the banking rackets. These people didn't read the fine print and the fine print put them out on the street and that's that. Sympathy for such livers-beyond-means who were too desperate to look a gift horse in the mouth has nothing to do with economic reality. People too imprudent to read the fine print, made microscopic by nattily-attired grifters, deserved the destitution that awaited.

Point taken! Which is why I say we can't afford to sign-off on a bailout shaped by a Wall Street sharpie, whose first move was to put himself and his chosen cronies above and beyond any accountability for how he chooses to spend our money. Especially when this guy is rushing us to sign the deal like a used car dealer who knows the bananas in the crankcase may not last long enough for the sucker to drive the lemon off the lot.

And so Congress is about to abdicate its traditional duty as a speed bump between the Bush Administration and even more unchecked and unmitigated power. In perhaps the most humorous moment of his testimony, Paulson had the nerve to tell a House hearing that he felt it was "presumptuous" to include safeguards in his plan. Of course Paulson had no qualms about safeguarding himself and his co-conspirators from the aforementioned accountability.

Our sleazy, piece of shit president warning us last night that America could slip into a financial panic drove me over the edge. The little fucker did everything he could to panic us and then warned that, unless we panic, panic could ensue. He spoke of job losses, bank failures, no money for homes, cars or education of our children unless we first hand over unprecedented authority and a few mountains of moola to Paulson. Think of it, not only was this crook the Treasury Secretary during this economic collapse but he knew that the Bush-Cheney Crime Cartel had this economic kidnapping at the ready months ago. In the meantime he told us everything was just fine. And then, with Congress desperate to leave town to hit the campaign trail, the fire alarm got sounded.
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In an attempt to amplify the blaring sirens, loyal dupe John McCain suspended his presidential campaign from its march to nowhere to get back to DC to help out with crucial photo-ops. Such altruism! Just what Washington needs at this moment -- another asshole willing to make a self-serving grandstand play to help stampede the lemmings into thumping down the craggy ravine of this criminal scam of a bailout. (And Bush of course endorsed McCain's move and went so far as to say that if McCain decides it would be best to cancel the election, the White House would use all of its power to help stop the proceedings.)

Paulson is the stranger with a pick-up truck with a couple of ladders on it, who conveniently shows up in the aftermath of a hurricane. All he needs is a few grand to run down to Home Depot for some supplies and he'll have our hearth and home restored by sundown. But please, no checks. Just hurry and get the cash so he can beat everyone else to the lumber aisle.

Actually he's worse than that guy because he helped cause the hurricane and he knew well in advance when to show up with his rescue flimflam.

Don't get me wrong, there is cause for panic -- panic about how truly fucked we'll be once we dig an even deeper pit to make Henry Paulson our economic dictator. Call your elected representatives today to remind them that as any wise consumer knows, we must first read and understand the fine print before we sign any financial instrument that will put us on the hook and maybe even out on the street.

Note: I'm now on facebook, ostensibly so I can announce new posts to people who use that service. If that's you, befriend me and off we'll go.  

updated: 10 years ago