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Barry Crimmins

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Assorted Nuts Thursday, July 10, 2008

Assorted Nuts
When is Iran going to learn that the only missiles that need to be tested in the Middle East, will be tested on US bases inside Iraq?

I have waited and waited for one person to make this obvious retort to McCain advisor Charlie Black's basically saying that his candidate's best hope is a terrorist attack on the United States between now and November.  Um, Charlie, there's just one problem with that theory. If there's a terrorist attack on the United States between now and November, Bush will simply cancel the election and remain president until he decides things have stabilized. This will probably be sometime around McCain's 85th birthday.

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I get the feeling that if Jesse Jackson actually performed the surgery on Barack Obama he suggested yesterday on the new FOX-News reality series "Bloopers of People Who Forgot They Were In The Belly Of the Beast," Obama would simply take advantage of his condition to serenade reactionary white voters with Frankie Valli and Neil Sedaka songs.

But no Al Green or Aaron Neville numbers!

Jackson should know better, it's not like anyone at FOX has strayed from the Bush regime on the issue of eavesdropping.

In fact the Senate passed a resolution commending FOX News for secretly taping Jackson.

They'd never get Obama this way --at least not lately. Whether he's being recorded or not, he's always saying something that would be perfectly acceptable to FOX News viewers.

To listen to him speak lately, you'd almost guess Obama has already performed the surgery himself.

You learn something new every day. For instance, I never thought the "N" word was "NUTS."

We should demand that FOX  News produce all the tapes it has made of unwitting guests including:

George W. Bush saying,  "I assume Rupert hasn't been having any problems cashing our checks."

Dick Cheney saying, "If you see Novak, tell him thanks again for helping us out Plame."

Hillary Clinton saying, "Thanks for having me on the Factor! And before I forget, Richard Mellon Scaife wanted to be remembered to you."

Bill O'Reilly saying, "Fuck it, we'll do it live." Oh wait, we already have that one.

OK, Bill O'Reilly saying, "Give me your hot falafel of love, Baby, Oh, Oh, OOOOOOOOOhhhh!...." Whoops, we have that one, too.

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Announcement:

I have done an awful lot of writing recently and I am burnt out. This is a condition that usually only lasts for a few days so rather than subject you to anything forced, I think I'll take a long weekend and recharge the batteries. What better time for you to snoop around this site and find work that dates back to the last millennium, maybe even earlier!

You could also go to your local bookstore and pick up a copy of Dennis Perrin's Savage Mules, which oughta hold you until my brainwaves stop mimicking the terrain of Nebraska. -- BC

updated: 11 years ago